Gimme some funny Chuck Norris Facts and Legends (LOL LOVE HIM!)

I'll go first,


Chuck Norris can clog your toilet, with his own piss, because he can.
Chuck Norris can divide by 0
Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, quite a shame that chuck doesnt cry


LMAO!! i love him, fucking legend, he has been beat before btw, Bruce lee kicked his arse, but meh. still a legend.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

lol legend

OMFG LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


HAHAHAHA MADE ME WET FOR NORRIS!!! LOL!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D il get some more lol

Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls

oh, and

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

lol

LMFAO!! :D:D:d loved it!!! keep em coming, im honestly beatin my meat readin these.........?? HEYYY GUYSS!!!

Tree beard once stood on chuck noris. He is now a weed.



Ok i fail. Fuck chuck. Bruce Lee ftw.

yes im tryin too hard to fuck it all up for jamie, theres plenty more for you kaka, just you wait
i WILL get u top be neutral about her, jus you fuckin wait my child!!
You will be scottish, you will want to beat woman up with logs, and you will talk like cave man UGG UGG , Helga Mad, grrrr!

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.

Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.

In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man

Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper

Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at B&Q (lol)

Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.

Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you receive a box of Chuck Norris, you ALWAYS know what you are going to get.

Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate.

Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back.

Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.

oh and this one is awesome

Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

When chuck norris jumps in water he doesnt get wet, the water gets chuck norris'd

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.



No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.

Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

Run, before he finds you
Try a different person

I think i'm gonna run:P

1. Chuck Norris made you read this!

2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good
Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

7. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

10. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

11. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

12. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

13. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

14. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

15. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

16. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

17. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

18. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

19. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

20. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

lmao Kaka

21. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

22. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

23. Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. it's a shame he never cries...never.

24. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a
stripper in it.

25. Chuck Norris sweats Snapple.

26. Chuck Norris runs with scissors and other people get hurt.

27. Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.

28. When Chuck Norris plays Tetris, the game runs out of pieces to give him.

29. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, He decides what time it is.

30. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

31. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

32. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

33. Chuck Norris once punched a woman in the vagina because she didn't give exact change.

34. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, roundhouse kicked everyone in the face who had a poped collar, drank two kegs, and shit on the living room carpet. Just because he's Chuck Norris.

35. The Chinese had two ideas to keep the Mongols out. Sadly, Chuck Norris works for no man so they had to settle on the Great Wall.

36. A blind guy stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe and Chuck Norris yelled at him. The sound of Chuck Norris' voice enabled him to see. Unfortunately the first and last thing he saw was a fatal roundhouse kick to his face.

37. Chuck Norris used to be pro-life- then he started eating babies.

38. Children wear Superman pajamas, but Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

39. Chuck Norris doesn't need a key to unlock his door he just threatens it and it unlocks.

40. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

i know its not a fact but worth posting

A squirrel challenged chuck norris to see who could find the biggest nut. just as they started chuck norris dropped his pants killing the squirrel and 3 small children instantly. Chuck norris knew that there are no nuts bigger than his

Kaka wrote:Tree beard once stood on chuck noris. He is now a weed.



Ok i fail. Fuck chuck. Bruce Lee ftw.

I just pee'd myself reading this, Jamie i fucking love you man. LMFAO!!!!!
I seriously LOL'd for like 10 minutes. AHAHAHAHAHA

The earth doesn't spin around the sun, it spins around Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminin side, she got pregnant.

Chuck Norris sperm is so fast so he made her mum pregnant, Chuck Norris father is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice.

Chuck Norris just stole your bike.

When you read this, there is 50% chance that Chuck Norris is banging your sister.

Chuck Norris don't need internet, he knows everything except mercy.

Nunchuck was invented by Chuck Norris to kill people with a nearby weapon.

Chuck Norris is so fast, so when he arrived he saw a dinosaur and roundhouse kicked it. His victim just died.

Harry Potter didn't have a father, he only have Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can fly faster like a bird, when he passes it, it got roundhouse kicked.

KaizoWasHomeless. wrote:

Kaka wrote:Tree beard once stood on chuck noris. He is now a weed.



Ok i fail. Fuck chuck. Bruce Lee ftw.

I just pee'd myself reading this, Jamie i fucking love you man. LMFAO!!!!!
I seriously LOL'd for like 10 minutes. AHAHAHAHAHA

LOL forgot i even wrote that lolololool.

Uniz0r wrote:Chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice.

Math g33k -.-

i lol'd through it all ..
But i dont get it ?

u dont get it

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.

haah favorite one lol

HAHAHA I GET IT XD